I've been wondering lately which is worse: packing it in and accepting that we are a one baby family, and coming to terms with the fact that even though we desperately, desperately want another baby, it's just not in the cards for us, OR strapping ourselves into the rollercoaster ride from hell, complete with all the tears, rage, shots, tantrums, and fights just to see if maybe, just maybe, we might get lucky.
Infertility misery (with possible upside), or definitely no siblings for the Buggins. Which is worse?
I'll tell you one thing: I miss my wife. I haven't seen her, really seen her, in over a year. She is a shell of her former self. How could she not be? This process is terrible and all-consuming.
We only get one go-around in life. You can't get a do-over because you spent so much time being miserable about infertility. As the clock ticks, M is painfully aware that she is losing valuable time to have another baby. And I am painfully aware that we are spending too much of our lives being miserable.
And we are incredibly lucky to have a baby already. We were told that our chances of conceiving on our own were negligible, even less than 1%. But we did it. And she is absolutely perfect.
Now, I know everyone says their kid is perfect. But clearly, not everyone's kid can be perfect. Out of all the millions of people who say their kid is perfect, one person has got to be telling the truth. Well, that person is me.
I'd even post a picture of her here, if I wasn't convinced that you'd all shit yourselves and then pass out. When you woke up, you'd be babbling incoherently about her Cuteness, and you'd be unable to go to work. As a result, the global economy would collapse, and millions of people would be out of work. Then, sensing an opportunity, George W. Bush and Dick Cheney would seize control over the entire Earth, forcing us all into slave labor.
And all because I posted a picture of the Buggins on my blog. Doesn't seem worth it.
Anyway, back to my original point. At what point does it make sense to trade possible future euphoria with current contentment? If I had to make a choice between having another baby, with my wife miserable and, quite frankly, kind of scary, or things just the way they are, but with my wife happy again, I would choose the latter. In a second.
I know the benefits of siblings, I myself am the youngest of four. I know the value they bring to your life. I also remember that my brother used to pin me down under his knees and hang a big lugie of spit over me, sucking it back up just before it hit my face. I'm just saying. Siblings can be a real drag, too.
I'd be interested in hearing the opinion of a guy who's been through this. But, judging by the comments I've been getting, there are no dudes reading my blog. I'm not complaining - I'm digging the comment love in a big way - and I am truly enthralled and fascinated by all your blogs. It's just that it does kind of seem like a she-party and I'm the only guy in the room.
I'll just hang out over here by the keg.