I meant Saturday.
M is pushing the POAS date further and further out. At this rate, she'll be ready to take the pee test the day after the kid is born. Or the day after her period starts, whichever is sooner.
She says she is SURE it is negative. Big cramping going on. Not like little cramping. Like lying in bed knees up going "ooooooohhhhhhhh" kind of cramping. That can't be good.
I would love to feel hopeful, but since I can't actually feel anything MYSELF, and since I depend on M for all my input, and she's feeling negative, well, not sure where that leaves me. Believe me, I'd love to hijack some of her piss and throw it on a stick and be done with this 2 week nonsense. If I wasn't SURE it would result in a negative, I'd piss on the damn thing MYSELF.
That gives me an idea. The "hot water treatment". Ever heard of it? I used to do it to my brother when he slept. What you do is: when a person is asleep, you dip their hand (or fingers) in warm water. It triggers a relaxation impulse in the person, and they relax their bladder. Immature hilarity ensues as they pee all over themselves in their sleep. 99.9% of the time the person wakes up first and then beats the shit out of you. But the .1% of the time it works is so sweet - it's worth it. I might try it on M tonight with a little cup and a pee stick. And a catchers mask. And mace.
In a normal cycle, M would be getting her period tomorrow. So the clinic isn't really waiting THAT long to test. It just feels long. We are going to do a home preg test AFTER the beta. Yes, you read that right. AFTER. We are going to come into the city, give blood, then go home and she'll piss on the stick. That way, we can control the information. Why not do it before the blood draw that morning, you ask? Good question. Because if it's a negative on the HPT, I will NEVER be able to get her in the car to go get her beta test. She would do the same thing the Buggins does when I try to take her somewhere she doesn't want to go: she would exercise that miraculous ability to turn her bones to jello and slump down on the ground so that it's impossible to be picked up. We call it the "jelly girl" move. Buggins is a pro.
Traveling again tomorrow, Wed, and Thursday. Prob won't be posting. Try to exist without me.
Be careful out there. (Hill Street Blues)