Saturday, December 16, 2006

Not Good News **Updated - I moved to Beta!

The beta number is very low - only 74. At this point, they're looking for a number in the hundreds. Not good.

Our celebration might have been a bit premature. The clinic gives us a 50/50 chance.

This is the worst possible kind of news, because it drags the process out. If the number falls by Monday, M goes off the drugs and awaits her period. If the number grows at all, she stays on the meds and basically waits for a possible miscarriage.

M is very upset. Feels as though the holidays are ruined, and is dreading an AF that will be terribly painful.

I know that with the buggins, since she was natural, we never knew her numbers. Maybe they were low. Maybe this is normal for M. Maybe this baby will be fine.

Maybe not.

That's the shit of it. We are no less uncertain about this pregnancy, and this uncertainly could very well last 2 days, or even weeks or months.

Trying to keep my chin up today but it feels like a very dark day. If anyone knows of a low beta pregnancy that ended well, I'd love to hear about it.

Next beta Monday.

***

By the way, you may have noticed that I finally came over and joined Blogger Beta. This is primarily due to 2 reasons:

1) I'm fairly certain that the folks at Blogger are responsible for our shitty HCG test. I think they figured that if I won't go to their beta, they'll go to MY beta and screw it all up. OK, blogger, that was a low blow, but I got to give you props. You accomplished what you wanted. Here I am. Now fix M's HCG level and put it back to where it was SUPPOSED to be, you pieces of shit.

2) They no longer allowed me to comment on your blogs. The bitches. I gots to give my love to the pixies. I gots to.

By the way, if you were once on my blogroll and have fallen off, fret not. I plan to increase the size of my roll (hee hee hee) but it is being complicated by the fact that a) i have no idea what the F I'm doing and b) I'm so exhausted from such an emotional day that I can no longer see the screen but for some reason I refuse to go to bed even though my poor wife has been asleep for hours and I should just go up there and lie next to her but I feel like I need to see if this day can be salvaged before it goes in the history books. Judging by the last run-on sentence, it's not looking good for me.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm having trouble commenting so I hope this goes through...

Smarshy & M, I am so sorry. To have such high hopes and now to be in the middle of this uncertainty is just so unfair. I really really hope that the number rises and that it was just a slow start.

I know that there are stories of people with low betas who went on to have normal pregnancies, I hope someone who reads your blog can offer you some words of wisdom around that.

I am thinking of you both. I hope the next beta brings better news.

If there's anything that I can do for you or M just email me
(babywaitinggame at gmail dot com)

Thalia said...

Ah shit sweetie, I'm sorry.

The blogosphere has one pregnancy in particular that ended well. Brooklyn Grrl's pregnancy with her son started with a beta of 14 on day 14 - so would have been around 56 on the equivalent of today. It is possible.

If you go to http://www.betabase.info you can see just how off your beta is. You are in the lower quartile but not off the chat by any means

http://www.betabase.info/showDailyData.php?type=basic&multiples=Single&dpo=18

All the betas in betabase had heartbeats and so are 'successful' pregnancies.

I'll hope for you and M because I've got no hope for us.

Anonymous said...

Hey Smarshy... The range for Beta numbers is HUGE. Hang in there.

I know a woman who's first number was only a 6 and has a healthy daughter. One of my pregnancies that ended in a miscarriage started out at 250.

I hope for a quick go/no go for you since I know from experience the waiting SUCKS!!

Take care and I will think good thoughts for all to be well!

theoneliner said...

Oh no. So sorry. But maybe...just maybe...(i know maybe is the worse place to be).

Rumour Miller said...

Damn those beta numbers! I am still hopeful for you both. I have not experienced this personally but have read many positive stories on message boards.

Hang in there Smarshy Family. P&PT are on the way....

T. said...

Low numbers and worry suck- been there recently. First beta was 57 at 14dpo, didn't rise fast enough but caught up by 28 dpo, then we had scary u/s & spotting at 5 & 6 wks but now at 8wks everything looks "perfect" and the rollercoaster is fun again. My husband was the cure for all my anxiety. He kept my humor intact. I am in awe of his calm and his faith.

I know you have it in you to make it through this hellacious wait. See that optimism in that gorgeous picture from yesterday's post??

Cheering you on from the sidelines! You can do this! There's still hope!!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. My low betas never turned out well, but I expect they must for someone. My RE also told me that numbers under 100 are very unpredicatble- so here's hoping you and M are the unpredictable lucky ones.

mr blue sky said...

Hey amigo, Like I have said before tough times don't last but tough people do. Be strong for M and we are sending you positive thoughts.
No-one knows how you feel right now and whatever you are feeling is the way you feel.

Take care and we're on your shoulder. I have never met you nor can I understand exactly how you feel but I understand just how tough this is and you are in my thoughts.

(Man hugs and double back slap)
Paul

Kath said...

Dear Smarshy, I'm so sorry to hear about this. Hoping very hard for all of you that this story has a happy ending, and that the little one is just very bad at math right now.

My Reality said...

Crossing everything for you on Monday.

amy said...

I have no words. No advice. No awesome miracle stories (although I do know they exist because I know plent of people who have had them). Only {{HUGS}}.

Heather said...

I'm thinking about you guys.

Jen said...

I'm sorry, Smarsh. This isn't the way it was supposed to go! I am going to pray for you guys tonight, Monday's beta will be sky high, and this bump in the road will turn into a giant bump in M's belly... crossing my everything for you (((((hugs))))))

Piccinigirl said...

I'm so sorry , but I am going to pray very hard that those Beta numbers increase and that Monday you get a REALLY HIGH beta back. I know the waiting is hard, but we are all here in blogland to keep our fingers crossed for you.

*GOOD THOUGHTS*

Erin said...

I'm so sorry, Smarshy. No assvice but I am thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Samantha said...

My thoughts are with you both. I wish I had a good story to share, but my personal experience with low beta numbers hasn't led to a positive outcome. I understand how hard it is to be in limbo like this. However, keep in mind that low beta numbers do still turn around! Good luck Monday!

One Mother's Journey said...

Yuck. Take care and remember that "fertiles" don't even have to worry about beta shit... At this point, they might not even suspect they were PG. Betas are one of those private hells "they" reserve for infertiles. You know, cause we have nothing else to worry about ....

FWIW - My beta with The-Girl was extremely low in the beginning. So low that they told me there was about a 1% chance it was a viable pregnancy. One day she just caught up. (Now at almost 15 I wish she'd slow down.)

I'm still crossing everything for you. Hang in there.

Rumour Miller said...

You know Smarsh - they say they want 100 and they'll be happy... well who the hell are they?

With Piper our 1st beta was 108.7 at 14DPO... Not overly high but it was 100 so "they" were happy.

ps: i am 'bout ready to take the blogger beta plunge too. i don't know why i'm so scared. i usually jump in and worry later.

Leggy said...

I'm sorry its ambiguous at this point. Hoping it all works out okay.

Betty M said...

Hi there - found you courtesy of the lovely Thalia. I have a positive low beta story for you if it helps - my daughter (now 3) started as a mere 46 on 14 DPO rising very slowly to 212 the next week so if I had known anything at all on my 1st IVF cycle I would have been panicked but as you see it all ended fine. Fingers crossed for you.
Betty M

serenity said...

Hang in there - it's low, but not horribly so. I will be hoping for the best for you both.

Keep us posted.

spark said...

Smarsh, I've been researching beta #s furiously over the past week or so because we had a fairly low initial beta number as well. I know that it really sucks because having a nice big number would be so reassuring right about now. BUT I still think you're in the game because there are a TON of women who start off with lower beta #s...the range varies widely. I've also read that it's more important that her number increases more than the initial number. So hope you don't go too nuts before Monday - beta hell is well...hell. I've got everything crossed for you two!!!!!

-Kristi

Heather said...

Smarshy, don't give up hope yet. Please see my original beta number:
http://unexplainthis.blogspot.com/2006/04/its-finally-overthat-darn-2ww.html

As you can see, all turned out well. Prepare yourself for the worst, but try to remember that still could happen.

I'll be on pins and needles for you and M.

lola said...

Hmm that first 'anonymous' comment is from me but I don't know why it says anonymous. Must have been sucked into a black hole when you switched over to blogger beta.

Just wanted to check in and say i am thinking of you today and hoping that beta #2 brings better news.

Tina said...

Been lurking on your blog for a while...and wanted to send you many wishes and prayers today that the betas go upwards! Will be watching...and hoping for you and your family.

Rumour Miller said...

Thinking of you & M today Smarsh. Here's to a nice big beta number!

Nico said...

Found you recently from Thalia's blog... I'm really sorry that you're in limbo right now. I hope that you get some positive news today!

soralis said...

Good luck!! I am really hoping things work out for you guys!

A.M.S. said...

Smarshy - I can't offer any help on beta numbers, having never made it to that point myself, but I am crossing everything for you and the Missus. I hope the repeat beta test shows a nice little jump, followed by another jump after that. Me and my weather pixie will be sending all the good beta vibes we can!

Jessica said...

The in-between maybe place is a difficult place to be. I hope that soon it will move past that place and into one where you can rejoice again. :)

Hopeful Mother said...

Smarshy, I am hoping all the best for you and M to have a nicely doubling number today. It sucks to be in the middle of all this uncertainty.

Thinking of you both!

Just another Jenny said...

I am thinking of you today and hoping that you get a great beta number. Uncertainity is the worst, it's like a nonstop waiting game. I really hope you get some good news and if not, hold M as tight as she will let you.

aah0424 said...

Smarsh-I'm thinking about you, the Mrs. and Buggins. I hope it turns out to be ok.