Monday, November 06, 2006

I Love Spackle

I haven't really known what to write about the last few days. Instead, I've been working in my basement - cutting, nailing, painting, washing, and yes - spackling. I thought I would take just a moment of your time and announce to you that I truly love spackle.

There are only a few things, from a guys perspective, that come close to spackle in terms of variety of usage. Duct tape is up there too. But it's what spackle GIVES you that makes it so special. While duct tape will hold things together, spackle goes one step further - it gives you a fresh start.

Have a hole in your wall? Spread on some spackle. Did you drive a nail into your wall in the wrong place? Pull it out, and slap on some spackle. Did the pieces of drywall not connect evenly, and leave a gap? Spackle spackle spackle baby.

It covers your mistakes. Just wait for it to try, grab some sand paper or a wet cloth, and sand or wipe away the excess. What's left? NOTHING. It's like the badness was NEVER THERE. No one will EVER know.

Oh, I have so many uses for spackle in my life. There are a few ex girlfriends I'd like to spackle over. I knocked the buggins in the head with the 'fridge door when she was like 10 weeks old. I'd like to spackle that. My wife recently said that she would love diamond earrings, and I responded that I'd consider it if she were pregnant. I'd slather a whole CAN of spackle on that conversation.

Can't they sell Life Spackle?

I'd buy it at CostCo, in like a 10 gallon tub. Instead of a spackle knife, I'd spread it around with a snow shovel. But I would save a whole bunch for the middle of December.

Why? Because that's when we'll get the results of the current IVF cycle we're on. I would stand by the phone, spackle knife fully loaded and in hand, and when the call comes in, if it's a negative, EVERYTHING is getting spackled. The phone, my wife, her memory, everything. Then I will sand it all, and paint it all nice and happy.


serenity said...

Life spackle. I like that.

*pauses momentarily and imagines everything I'd spackle over*

I think I'd need a LOT of spackle too for that.

aah0424 said...

i think it would be hard to keep that stuff on the shelves. I'd invest in Life Spackle stock!

Hopeful Mother said...

Yeah, can you just spackle right over my 2ww? That would be useful.

If you're not careful, you're going to become the Santa Claus of Life Spackle. Us IFers are going to start sending you our lists of things to spackle...

kristi said...

Brilliant! If there was such a thing I'm sure I would have used truckloads of it over the years!!!!!

Is M starting stims next week?

One Mother's Journey said...

Life spackle... I love it!!

Maybe they could make it in those little sqeezy tubes like they do frosting? That way you could always have it on hand.

I'd buy it by the case.

PS. Get her the earings!

Erin said...

Life spackle is a brilliant idea. I think you've found a new calling--just figure out some way to make it work and you'll be wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. You could just laugh at Bill Gates and his "wealth".

I once fixed a crew shell with duct tape in a river (our idiot coxswain steered us onto the rocks on the way to the starting line) and then led our shell to victory, so I have a fond place in my heart for duct tape as well.

Nina said...

Spackle spackle spackle away. Away with the sins. Spackle spackle spackle. Love spackle.

What is it with guys feeling the need for spackle when the words "diaminds" and "earrings" are named in one discussion. It's like putting both hands over the ears and singing lalalala....spacklespacklespackle.

Pass the life-spackle please. Lifespackling, this could be a group event, no?

Nina said...

although "diaminds" would be great too...ehh... I wanted to write "diamonds" of course. Why is it that I always have lots of typ-o's when I comment on your blog? Need some typ-o spackle please :-S

Anonymous said...

yes please send me some life spackle for mid December also. I can't tell you how much we'll need it if the results of this cycle are negative!!

theoneliner said...

spackle does rock. i think we all need it sometimes. i know i have said some horrible things to k.
this IF stuff makes us say and do some crazy things, n'est pas?

so, mrs. s is cycling...i wish you guys lots of luck.

Thalia said...

Ooh I love this. can i spackle over a whole person? To make them not exist? That would be MARvellous.

PS we don't call it spackle in the UK. Polyfilla. Not quite as satisfying a word, is it?

Piccinigirl said...

I need a lot of Life spackle, but if it works it would be Totally worth it.

(when we first started TTC I asked Mr Kir if I could have diamond earrings when I got PG, he said sure, but as you know I am still waiting for baby and earrings. Maybe time for Mrs Smarshy and I to get earrings just because )

Anonymous said...

When you find that, pass the info along. We all need some.

Why does Mrs. S need to be pregnant?! I want diamond earrings for Christmas, too. I wonder if my husband is thinking the same thing?!?!

Where's the snow shovel . . .

susan said...

just so you know my RE said that one only gets a BFP when a very expensive gift is bestowed upon the cyclee.

me thinks you should give the earrings on the morning of the transfer.

you would score MAJOR points and could throw your spackle away for good.

Katie said...

Fan freaking tastic entry, Smarshy!

I like to say the word spackle many times in a row. It's like the word sofa. It just sounds funny after a while.

Spackle spackle spackle spackle spackle

Anonymous said...

Great stuff, Smarshy.

I'm about to post my longest comment, ever, on any blog. But only because your post reminded me of a poem by Michael Rosen which I think worth repeating in full...


On my new super wizzo electric typewriter there's a thing called
a correcting tape.
If you make a mistake,
what you do is
press the button that's got an "X" on it
and the machine goes backwards
jumps up and peels the wrong letter
off the page.
It's great.

After a while
after you've made loads of mistakes
and you've used the correcting ribbon a lot,
the ribbon runs out.
You have to take it off
and put a new one on.

I look at the old ribbon
and all the mistakes are stuck to it,
where the ribbon peeled them off the page.
It's like the ribbon has remembered all my mistakes,
and you can sit and look at them,
all there in a long line
stuck to the ribbon.

what if you could have a correcting ribbon for all the mistakes you ever made?
Like the time you called the teacher "Mummy" and everyone laughed,
and the time you lied about sticking pins in the lipstick,
and really awful things
like the time you screamed at your mum,
"I don't like you. No one likes you. Not even Dad."

And all these mistakes
were on some correcting ribbon
and you could take it out of your drawer
and look at them.

I'd feel really terrible looking at all mine.

Michael Rosen (1988)

Anonymous said...

Well, in the absence of Life Spackle, I hope you can find a nice picture in the future to hang over the top.


Mony said...

Spackle me.

If only we had such a wonderful product.....

Anonymous said...

Spackle. It's such a great word. And what a useful product Life Spackle would be!

candy said...

i love spackle! spackle is at the top of my list of fun products, second only to sticky tack. (except i usually just sit at my desk making tiny sculptures out of the sticky tack rather than using it to hang posters on the walls.)

life spackle. genius. i can think of at least 3 things just today i would use it on.

Krista said...

Oh Smarshy. I love the idea of life spackle. I don't think a 10 gallon tub would be nearly enough (although frankly I have no concept of gallons). I sure hope that life spackle isn't necessary in your house in the middle of December. And I really hope you get your wife those earings.

Just another Jenny said...

#1 - can you please teach my husband your love of spackle? I've been riding him for months to spackle and paint a beam in out basement.
#2 - perfect idea. Life spackle. I sure coulda used some when we had our negative last spring.

songbird36 said...

Spackle is VERY cool. I discovered it when I foolishly decided to paint my home office myself. But be still my heart...Life Spackle??!! That would be awesome. should go ahead and get her the diamond earrings, cuz believe me putting things on hold (especially jewelry!) until she gets pregnant is a recipe for disaster. You can always buy her bigger diamonds after she has BugginsII. :-)

soralis said...

Hope you don't need the spackle in December!!

(p.s. I love spackle too... it makes me feel important that I can fix walls too just like the hubby!! :)