Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Monogram THIS

While we await our fertilization report, I thought I would share a story that encapsulates the frustration I have with my father (and, I think, the frustration he has with me).

He called me last night (we were already in bed).

Dad: If I were going to give you something for Christmas and it was monogrammed, what order should I put the initials? (First of all, this man is smart. Prep school, Princeton, retired senior executive of a major corporation. He can't figure this out himself?)
Me: Well, Dad. That depends.
Dad: Why? Depends on what?
Me: Well, some things are traditionally monogrammed with the wife's initials. Sheets, towels etc. Some things are monogrammed with the husbands initials, like barware. By the way, I gave M monogrammed high thread count sheets for our anniversary, so stay away from that please.
Dad: Jesus. Well, I can't tell you what it is, but it's not especially feminine. And it's for both of you.
Me: Ok. I'd say its safe to go with M's initials.
Dad: Ok, in what order?
Me: Well, that depends.
Dad. Oh for christ's sake.
Me: Well, do you want to do it right, or wrong? If you really want to go down this road, you may as well do it right.
Dad: I'm not sure I want to go down this road.
Me: Are the initials all the same size, like block lettering? If they are, the initials go in order, like ABC. Or were you thinking rounded initials, kind of old school?
Dad: I don't fucking know!
Me: Well, its a decision you need to make! if you want them old school, the last initial is in the middle, and is the largest letter. First initial in front, middle initial last. OR, some people do it jointly, with last name in middle, and then one first name in front, and the other first name last. Of course, in different situations you would have her first initial first, and my first initial last, and in other situations, the reverse is true.
Dad: I think I'll get you a card
Me: Works for me.

Now I'll grant you, I was clearly the more obnoxious person in that exchange. On purpose. My dad does not exercise patience or a great deal of thought when doing things. He is into instant gratification. GOD FORBID he should have to RESEARCH something. If he got me something monogrammed, it would be some beautiful, expensive thing with the WRONG initials on it because he didn't take the time to do it right. THEN, because it's monogrammed, we would end up not being able to return it. We'd keep it for a year, and then M would secretly throw it out. Happens every f'ing year.

Ah, the holidays.


Just another Jenny said...

Holidays with parents - so much fun. I'll trade you my MIL for your dad?

Katie said...

This is why I don't answer the phone after 9pm. It gets ugly.

theoneliner said...

oh that's annyoing. well, at least you're getting a gift certificate this year ; )

hmmm, maybe i need to call my mom...

One Mother's Journey said...

My fingers are crossed for you on your fertilization report! I hope it's good news!!

Parents *sigh* Mine give me money, it's so much easier. hehehe
Remember that when the Buggins grows up. Always go with the cash.

Anonymous said...

Any news on the fert report? How weird would it be if M and I had our transfers on the same day?? Both of us on valium would be funny.

That story is hysterical. Any idea what he was going to get you? Remember this when Buggins is 30!

Anonymous said...

Just got the call that we need to be at the clinic at 8:45am on Friday. We'll see you if you're there :)

spark said...

That must be annoying. Hopefully he either gets it right or gets you another gift.

Good luck with the fert report!

GLouise said...

Hilarious! Most men I know never think of monogramming to begin with, so I am laughing that your dad was 1) considering a monogrammed gift, and 2) you knew the appropriate "order."

OHN said...

You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family--too bad most of the time :)

Anonymous said...

I think you are a total jerk and should be a little nicer to your father. He was TRYING to do something nice for you. You sound like a pompous jerk. (By the way, I discovered this pathetic display of unruly behavior while attempting a search on etiquette of monograming for my upcoming wedding)