Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I'm The WORST F'ing Father In The World

OK, first things first:

10 follicles, all looks "great" down there. Estradiol level (whatever the F*CK that is) is 219. I'm told that's "good". Back on Thanksgiving morning for more.

If anyone can help me understand what the estradiol number means, I'll give you a dollar. Seriously. I'll pay.pal you.

Now I'll tell you why I don't even deserve any more children and why I feel like jumping out my 32nd story window.

Because M had to leave early to get to her appointment, I had the pleasure of taking miss Buggins to her pre-school. I've never done that before. M left some stuff out for me to take there, like buggin's little Maisy Mouse bag, which held her goldfish crackers for snack time, as well as a little bib so she doesn't get crumbs all over her fancy little school clothes. M told me to remember the "moo milk", which is a little container of vanilla milk with a built in straw that buggins LOVES. She said they were in the fridge, and that I should not forget to grab one. Sure.

So the time came, I gathered up all the stuff, put buggins in her big coat and hat, and we headed off for school. I dropped her off, she seemed very happy, and off I went to work.

4 hours later, M picked her up from school. Her eyes were all red and puffy, and the teacher said buggins had been VERY upset. It seemed that at snack time, there was no moo milk. I forgot the effing moo milk. She was forced to eat goldfish crackers with no moo milk to wash it down. She had to sit there and watch as all her little friends got to drink THEIR drinks, but her Dad is too fucking stupid to remember hers.

Its one thing to suffer because of something dumb you did. It's an ENTIRELY different feeling when someone else, who happens to be totally innocent and dependent on you, suffers because you forgot something. Seriously, the thought of buggins in tears because I forgot the milk has put a huge lump in my throat and butterflies in my stomach. I think I will be plagued by guilt over this for the rest of my life. I will be apologizing for this at her wedding. Which I'll probably forget to give her a present for.

Buggins, if this blog still exists when you can read, and you happen to stumble upon it, I want you to know that I am very, very sorry. I will always make sure you have everything you need in the future. As I'm sure Mommy has told you several times, Daddy isn't very smart. But he loves you.


Cibele said...

I am sure she will forgive you. You are a great Dad.

Anonymous said...

I know you are very upset - that is understandable.

However, if this is the most "damage" you do to your kid I think you are doing splendid.

Of course, feel free to web slap me.

Hopeful Mother said...

Awww... I'm sure she's already forgotten about it... yet in the mind of a father it will last forever!

OHN said...

Isn't parental guilt the absolute worst!? I still get a pit in my stomach when I remember some of my blunders when the boys were small. I guess it all goes with the territory :)

Rumour Miller said...

I think it is a "man thing" seriously. If I ask my husband to get the baby bag ready... I can effing guarantee that something is forgotten... diapers, food, bottle. Name it. It has been missing at some point.

I don't ask anymore.

lounash said...

Hi - delurking. Seriously? She didn't have anything to drink? The teachers didn't give give her a little cup of something? As a woman of a forgetful husband, this story does not make me question your dad-a-bility, but makes me hacked off at the teachers! And if she did have SOMEthing, but it just wasn't moo-milk, then I think you still get points for remembering the goldfish. Now that would have been a dissaster.

Anonymous said...

Great news about the follies!

Poor buggins and poor you. I'm sure the guilt is awful, I know I'd feel the same way!

Anonymous said...

Oh no. No moo milk? Poor Buggins...
Poor smarshy too. You ARE a great dad. Even if your forgot her moo-milk.


Great news on M's follies!

SmarshyBoy said...

Lounash - I agree! I actually don't know if they gave her anything, or just let her sit there crying. But I DO know that I pay those sons of beotches $300 per MONTH and buggins goes there 6 hours a week = $12.50 per hour. Maybe someone can offer her a sippy cup with some water?

I can't take for points for remembering the goldfish. M had already put them in the bag.

I just failed my own word verification 3 f'ing times

Another Girl said...

Creeping out of lurker status to say poor Buggins and poor you. I hope they did give her SOMETHING -surely they must be prepared for this type of thing....

You had better hope she never reads this... the price of her wedding dress will go up for sure!

Great news on the follies.

AND Estradiol can be found here. It is basically just another word for estrogen. http://www.webmd.com/hw/womens_conditions/hw6200.asp And yes, her level was GREAT!

Anonymous said...

Man there is so much to remember!!
Great news about the follicles. Tell me what is the timeline for you guys? Just interested to see if it differs from the UK.

Take it easy amigo.

spark said...

Oh no - sorry to hear about the moo milk fiasco. Try not to beat yourself up too much.

Here is more info on hormone levels:

E2 will show how mature M's follicles are. If it gets too too high at the end it might be a sign that she is hyperstimulating (OHSS) but hopefully she won't have to worry about that.

Good luck and happy Thanksgiving!!!

Just another Jenny said...

Poor thing, I don't know who I feel more sorry for - you or buggins. I'm sure it was just as hard on you. I bet you never forget the moo milk again.

p.s. - I can't imagine this makes you the worst father in the world. You've heard of Michael Jackson, right?

Anonymous said...

Hey Smarshy - I think I saw you this morning (Thanksgiving day) at the hospital.

I was walking into the office with JMA (really tall guy) as Mrs Smarshy got called in for her u/s. I saw you walk out into the hallway with the Buggins and I recognized you both from the photo you posted! I was going to say hi but thought it might be weird if I ran up to you that early in the morning asking if you were Smarshy.

JMA and I were sitting in the chairs closest to the reception desk, opposite the windows. I had a lovely "just rolled out of bed" look with my hair in a big bun on top of my head and I was wearing a gray college sweatshirt and glasses. I like to look my best for my ultrasounds. :)

I hope all went well with Mrs Smarshy and hopefully you don't have too many days left of stims. The Re said that I will likely get the green light to trigger soon so you can bet that I'll be a permanent fixture in the waiting room for the next few days. If I see you again I'll say hi.

PS - the Buggins is adorable!

SmarshyBoy said...

That was you? Did you get called in, and then JMA got up to go in too, and you said that just you should go in, and then you popped your head back out and told him he could come if he wanted to, and he said no? Was that you?

Nice to meet you.

If you saw us when M went in, then you saw Buggins have a total breakdown and I had to take her into the hallway and promise her candy if she stopped crying. She was not particularly adorable when she was screaming, but I appreciate the compliment.

(normally we never bring her into the waiting room, but today we made an exception).

Mony said...

Dude. You are a great Dad.

Buggins is a lucky (albeit thirsty) little Buggins.

Good work M!

Anonymous said...

Yup, that was me.

There was all this confusion because usually they call you in for bloodwork first but this time they called me in for my u/s first. JMA was getting up to come with me but I said, no stay it's just bloodwork - but when I realized it was the u/s I told him to come in but he didn't know what I was talking about so he ended up missing it. He was like OHHHH I wondered why the bloodwork was taking so long. ha.

It was an off day in terms of appearance and general confusion, clearly.

I did see Buggins have her little breakdown, poor thing. That's when I recognized you - I was like, hey that little girl looks familiar!
You're tall Smarshy. I didn't really get to see M but I realized later that she was going in for her u/s when we came in.

We were there again this morning - it looks like I may trigger tonight. I hope M is doing well!!

Katie said...

OK if this helps AT ALL here it is: my mother claims that she scarred me for life and basically ensured I'd enter therapy in my 20s by destroying one of my books right in front of me. One time, according to my mother's recollection, when I was about 5 years old, I was charged with cleaning my room. Anything left on the floor when Mummy Dearest returned was to be trashed. well, I was lying on the floor reading my favorite book THE GREAT TIDY UP (irony, don't you love it?) when Mum entered. Well, the book was on the floor. So mumsie tore it up. In front of me.

Now, ****I***** don't remember this. But Mom has told the story so many times I feel as if I do remember it. So I just send her my therapy bills. :-)

(Seriously, Buggins won't remember it. Not that it makes it any easier right now.)