Thursday, November 16, 2006

Rick Touched The Pumpkin

Sometimes, when M has doctors appointments or needs to be in the city, we take the Buggins to a day care center affiliated with my work. It's an unbelievable place, such an amazing benefit. 20 visits a year are covered by work. And its like the Four Seasons of day care. Every person in there has an advanced degree in kidology and poopology and all that other stuff. Buggins loves it there, and they love her.

Almost all the people who work there are women (and they're all ridiculously hot, for some reason). The only guy who works there is Rick. Buggins loves Rick, and it always seems to be Rick who plays with her, writes her daily report, etc.

Also, Buggins is starting to make sense when she speaks. There's alot of "La la cribbie Elmo Banana" but then sometimes there is an actual sentence to be heard, i.e. "hello daddy, I had a fun day".

The other day she said something new, which caused me to pause and wonder just what the HELL she was talking about. She was following me around the house saying "daddy, daddy, daddy, daddddyyyyyy" so I finally turned, squatted down to her level, and said "Yes, Buggins?".

She replied, "Rick touched the pumpkin".

Well. My imagination started to run a little wild. She has since said it a number of times, at least 2 times a day. Buggins would not be able to watch someone do something like this and then describe it like that. She is saying "Rick touched the pumpkin" because someone said to HER, "Rick touch the pumpkin". Maybe it was in the form of a question? As in, "Rick touch the pumpkin?", or, "May Rich touch the pumpkin?" OR, what I'm MOST afraid of, "Do you enjoy it when Rick touches the pumpkin?"

The big question in this case, obviously, is...what the hell is "the pumpkin". Is it an actual pumpkin? Or is something sinister going on? Is my buggins crying out for help?

Now, obviously I am mostly joking here, and this type of thing should not be joked about. If I thought someone was out there touching Buggins pumpkin, I'd be doing alot less writing and alot more ass-whoopin'. But it does give you a glimpse into the paranoid mind of the father of a very pretty little girl. I am CONVINCED there is a madman around every corner waiting to make off with my little Buggins. And what I'm sure was a very innocent case of "pumpkin touching" temporarily sent me down a very dark path. I expect to head down this path at least once a day for the next 18 years.

I've decided that even though I'm sure everything is fine, and nothing untoward happened, I still have to go kick Rick's ass. If he asks why, I'll just say "Watch out who's pumpkin you touch". That'll teach him.

As far as Mrs Smarshy and I go, we haven't been touching the pumpkin in quite some time. Did you know that Lupron is one of the drugs given to repeated sex offenders to quell their sex drive? Yeah. If it has that effect on crazy sex maniacs, imagine the effect on little Mrs. Smarshy.

12 comments:

OHN said...

Rick needs a new job. Now. I am with you on the sinister thoughts...I always wonder why grown men choose careers that keep them totally surrounded by kids. Yes..kids are great but not too many men would choose to spend a good bit of their waking moments wiping noses and touching pumpkins!

One Mother's Journey said...

I'm with OHN on this one - even though I know it's wrong for me to think this, I AM skeptical of men choosing jobs that surround them with children. I'm not talking teachers - I'm talking day care workers.

It's probably nothing - probably VERY innocent but my daughter's pumpkin would not be anywhere near Rick until I knew what the deal was. It does sound like a lovely day care though... nice that your company offers that as a benefit.

Is the ass kicking happening soon?

Anonymous said...

Hey Amigo

Thanks for your kind words. It was a kick up the ar*e I needed.

I managed to read through your archive and even though the process of IVF treatment is slightly different on your side of the pond the emotion is just the same. Thanks for articulating how it feels. My misses was reading through your blog and kept looking up at me in sympathy. I even got some pumpkin action. So thanks for that too.

Take it easy.

Anonymous said...

I dunno - I tend to think that kids are pretty good at reacting to the "weird" vibe from someone. Buggins loves Rick. I'm sure the pumpkin touching was nothing.

But what the hell do I know? I'm not a parent.

I'd like to be there to witness the ass-kicking if I can... will be back in Boston next week. Will that work for you? :)

I didn't know that about Lupron. Learn something new every day...

Rumour Miller said...

I'm sure the Pumpkin touching was nothing.... but you gotta find out what it is. I'm dying here...

Sinister thoughts are everywhere... even before Pea was born I had them. Ugh. I hate them.

Amy said...

Okay, I need to come to Rick's defense for a minute...I used to teach preschool both in public school and in a couple of daycare centers. And I remember a guy we had at the center where I worked down in Tennessee. He was one of the most wonderful teachers we had at the center! And the kids loved him. They were drawn to him and he enjoyed every second of it. I asked him once why a grown man would want to work at a daycare center, and he said, "Where else can you play all day long and get paid for it? I forgot to grow up I guess..." Never for a second did I see him as a threat or weird. Okay, I know that you're fine with Rick too (otherwise, I don't believe you'd even consider leaving Buggins in his presence). But I just had to throw that out there for people who wonder why grown men would work with kids. Sometimes, they're just big kids themselves :-). The majority of them are not the stereotypical weirdos. It's just those weirdos that give the rest of the good guys a bad rap.

A.M.S. said...

I'm wondering if somewhere in that Day Care Center there isn't a pumpkin decoration and the children have been instructed that it is just to look at, not touch. Then, Rick touched the pumpkin, leading to lots of toddler angst and confusion because, of course, we aren't SUPPOSED to touch the pumpkin.

Of course, it's still good to keep that daddy sense going. Speaking as one, daughters like knowing that their daddy's are always willing to do a little ass-kicking for them, even if we act like it embarasses us.

SmarshyBoy said...

AMS, I think you nailed it. I bet that's exactly what happened. Of course, he will still get a beating.

Just another Jenny said...

are you serious about the lupron thing? Don't worry - you aren't the only one. I'm not sure there was any kinda of pumpkin touching in our house during a cycle. Not to get too deep but for me, it just reminded me that things would never work the "old fashioned" way and it would make me more sad.

M said...

One of your funniest posts. You are giving your best today, despite the lack of...

SmarshyBoy said...

Oh, I'm serious...

"Unapproved drugs such as Lupron lower the predators desire for sex. Lupron is a new class of pharmaceutical whose sole approved use is for endometriosis. Its debilitating side effects have generated controversy in the short time it has been on the market, including the establishment of a National Lupron Victims Network. It is the drug of choice to use on predators because of a handful of reports in the medical literature claiming it suppresses sex fantasies better than the safer and more proven anti-androgens used by cancer patients and gender-variant individuals."

OHN said...

One of my clients is a urologist and he uses Lupron on almost all of his prostate cancer patients...I never even knew it was used for women till I started reading these blogs!