Thursday, November 09, 2006

Tagged Again

Serenity tagged me and now I have to list 5 things you don't know about me.

Serenity just moved over to beta. Should I do that? All I've heard are crappy things about it. But I don't want to be the only loser still stuck back in regular blogger. What should I do? I'm inclined to stay here, if only because Serenity has already used the "lighthouse" motif, and anyone who know me knows that I'm all about lighthouses, and now I can't use that without copying Serenity. What a quandary.

Ok, so 5 things:

1) Rent the movie "Without Limits", starring Billy Crudup and Donald Sutherland. I am the very first person you see in that film, right after the opening credits. That's me, walking through the parking lot with a tray of coffee. If you watch it, you'll notice I was kind of, um, LANKY. Not so much anymore. That was 10 years and almost 35 pounds ago. The fact that I could put on 35 pounds and still not be fat at all tells you what a skinny dipshit I was. I've since gotten a haircut too, thankfully.

2) Whenever I see my wife being incredibly sweet to the Buggins, or whenever I see her being a great mother or whenever I get the sense that I'm being a good father, I get overwhelmed with sadness that I have not been able to explain. I am working with a counselor who is helping me realize that at that moment, I am mourning the fact that I did not receive that level of parenting from my own parents. Literally, the baby in me is jealous of my own baby. Weird.

3) I believe that we bloggers are totally full of ourselves. This exercise if absolute proof of that, in my mind. Why would I think 5 things about me would be of any interest to anyone? Why do I think I have anything interesting to say? I know many of you say, and I myself have said, that this blogging business is all about getting feelings out and the therapy of sharing. I think there's some truth to that, but I mostly think we all just want people to read our shit and think we're funny/smart/interesting.

4) I got a bonus in March that changed my life. That's when M stopped working.

5) My mother is an alcoholic who lives alone, thousands of miles from any of her children. She has a sister who lives 4 hours away by car. My mother refuses help, will not move, and is combative and is filled with self-pity. She does not return phone calls and prefers to hang out with her friends during holidays instead of her family. I am very afraid something will happen to her and we won't know about it for days or weeks. Not so much because I'll miss her, but because of the horribleness of dying alone and no one knowing for along time. The horror that that can happen to someone, despite the fact that they had decades of a happy, normal life, raising kids, being married for 40 years. Then, to live a hermit life of an angry alcoholic and to die alone, it just shatters the idea of happy endings.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

This was much deeper than my 5 things. Man.

Now you're making me feel all shallow and stuff.

But I'm renting "Without Limits" this weekend. And I'm gonna blog about it then.

I like blogger beta - it's easier to modify your template.

And if you want the lighthouse motif, I'll cede it to you. I'm having a hard time with the way it shows the links...

... but mostly it's because I'm a good friend. :)

Amy said...

Smarshy, I'll be another loser still stuck in regular Blogger. I'm very hesitant to change it up too. For the same reason...I've heard bad things. I fear bad things. ;-)

Piccinigirl said...

I think the fact the all of us like to read the 5 things about other people shows we might be even more self involved. However I do like reading them.
Thanks for sharing all that...and come over to beta, it's fun...but I am not giving up my lighthouse , Serenity is a much better friend than I am (Giggles)

A.M.S. said...

I'll stay here in non-beta land with you, Smarshy. I've spent too many years in development meetings talking about all the bugs that exist in beta versions that we are going to release to the public anyway to really trust them.

There is the therapy aspect of blogging and there is the narcissistic aspect of it. There is also the voyeuristic tendencies that lead us to read other people's blogs. It's a strange little parasitic world and I love it!

OHN said...

Smarshy-your #5 described my father. He had been "gone" for about 3 days before his drinking buddies noticed he hadn't made it to the hangout. They found him face down in a TV dinner when peeking through a window in his apartment. Tragic ending for a very sad existence.My biggest regret is that he never knew how well I had turned out despite him.We all have shit to deal with from our past and present lives, it is just different shit.

Katie said...

dunno if I can handle beta. I just got started with the regular blogger, dammit, and the change that my hip hop dance class brought into my life is just enough for me, thank you.

I concur with #3. #4 rocks. I want to be a stay at home mom...to 3 cats and a dog, that is.

As for 2 and 5: HUGS.

Anonymous said...

beta blogger isn't so bad I have to say.

my 5 things are not deep at all. yours are very much so. now i feel like i need to go back and change everything beause i sound shallow.

and it's true that i want people to think that i'm funny and interesting and sometimes smart but more often interesting. hmm. it's like a big popularity contest, I guess. If you're not interesting and sometimes funny or extremely deep and thoughtful then no one will read your blog. but in the end is it just about being full of ourselves? you've given me food for thought, Smarshy!

SmarshyBoy said...

Wow, I'm getting several hate-emails about #3. Sorry if I offended...either I was way off track, or I hit I nerve. (my money is on the latter). uh oh more hate mail...

I must be the most self-involved dude in the WORLD. I mean, I used to be an ACTOR for Gods sake. So take it easy.

Kristi said...

Updating Netflix as we speak...are you in IMDB?

I think there's some amount of truth to #3 and also what a.m.s. said.

Sorry to hear about your mother. Any guesses on why she's put herself in that situation?

And I like beta blogger except for the fact that I can't comment on some old blogs that don't allow anonymous/other comments. If a couple more people move over then I'm good to go. It makes organizing links easier.

-Kristi

Mony said...

Hey Smarsh.
God you are full of yourself.

I, on the other hand, am full of Tooheys.
Cheers Big Fella.

Carol said...

#3 - I partially agree with and partially disagree with. I think we do want people to read our stuff and think we're interesting. But I think it's because we are looking to not feel alone in all this, we're looking for affirmation.

#5 is sad. I'm sorry.

One Mother's Journey said...

For what it's worth - I haven't changed over to beta either. I tend to fight change... I'm not even sure why. The thing I have noticed is that because many people have changed over and I haven't - when they comment they come up as anonymous and then I can't respond to the comment without looking up their email adresses. That's the only reason I *may* switch. I just haven't found any other benefits to changing though ...

#2 touched me. Sometimes good parenting things reduce me to tears and I never really put the connection to it. It makes perfect sense though.

I'm terribly sorry about #5 - I can't even imagine. My mother is also an alcoholic - it's a terrible illness.