Thursday, September 14, 2006

Tom Petty Knew What He Was Talking About

When he said "The waiting is the hardest part". He probably also knew what he was talking about when he sang "Don't do me like that", but that's another topic for another day.

My poor wife is so sad today. Nothing in particular happened today to make her so sad, but that's partly what's making her so sad. Nothing is happening. Since our cycle was cancelled, we have to sit around and wait to start the next cycle. So its a 2 week wait, without the potential prize at the end.

Even when she's in the middle of all the shots, scans, poking and prodding, and she's miserable from it, at least she feels as though she is doing something to move this whole babymaking thing along. But now, we're just sitting around, doin' nothing. It helps to know you're adding value somehow. I give my wife her shots in her belly. She hates it, obviously. But I kind of like giving her those shots. Am I sadistic, you ask?

Yes. But that's only part of the answer.

Giving her those shots is the only tangible thing I can do to help this process forward. I can be sweet to my wife, and help her manage her emotions and stress, but that does nothing to help us actually get pregnant. Those shots, now they help. Plus, it's kind of fun. It's like playing doctor, only with real doctorin' stuff like needles.

Anyway, just waiting. Waiting and reading blogs. And drinking.

13 comments:

Royalyne said...

I've been reading your blog for a while (spent a couple hours catching up on everything from before I started even), but today I knew that I had to comment.

Your wife is a very lucky woman. You are wholeheartedly into the process, even with the tears and shots and mood swings. I am so happy that your wife was lucky enough to marry somebody as amazing as you. I won't burden you with my struggles and the indifferent reactions I've gotten from my husband, I just wanted you to know that you are amazing and I am glad to hear that there really are good men like you still out there, even if they are a little bit sadistic. I hope my husband can get to the place you are now, I know he'd definitely find joy in stabbing me (it's just the accepting that the shots are necessary that he's not coming around to). Good luck with your next cycle, you and your wife are often in my thoughts.

One Mother's Journey said...

You can always practice!!

The waiting sucks but at least you have a plan with a new doc and you're moving forward - that is progress even if it doesn't seem that way.

SmarshyBoy said...

Royalnye, my wife is going to read your comment and think I wrote it myself pretending to be someone else.

Honey, I swear, that wasn't me. But Royalnye makes some very good points...

serenity said...

Hehe... people are thinking you're sweet and stuff, but I know the real reason - you always wanted to be a doctor. (Honest, I'm not a stalker - I read your 100 Things.) ;)

Seriously though- Being on a forced break when you're not prepared for it totally SUCKS. But like one mother said - you have a new doc, a better doc, and you'll get there.

In the meantime, being sweet to your wife really does help; even though she's sad. It does help.

Krista said...

Smarshy I was reading this post and comparing it, in my mind, to the "This is going to get me in trouble" post from September 6, 2006. September 6 was only 8 days ago, and yet the attitude difference would make you believe that those posts must be a least several months apart.

Your wife is a lucky lady. Infertility sucks, everything about infertility sucks. But... a husband who listens, learns and loves you enough to want to understand and support you that is priceless.

I hope you have a very long and happy marriage filled with as many chidlren as you wish to have. You both deserve it.

Anonymous said...

I am not a troll - but do you think that if this continues and you dont get a baby out of this it could end your marriage? How much and how long do you go through something like this? How long has your wife been unhappy? I know marriage is give and take and being there for the other person but it is not like she has cancer or a terminal illness - and you have a daughter! When do you all get happy again? I think you are happy (from what I read) and your daughter is happy but what about your wife. What if the second baby does not come, what happens then? Does your wife say if this works that would be wonderful but if not, i am lucky to have my hubby and daughter? How far do you go being unhappy?

SmarshyBoy said...

Hmmmn... You say you are not a troll...yet your anonymity has a faint whiff of trollness to it. But still, you are doing what every blogger wants - you are reading my blog - and you are asking good questions!

In fact, the questions are SO good, I'm going to do my next post on JUST THIS SUBJECT!! Just stay tuned, Anonymous, (if that's your REAL name). And seriously, thanks for the question. I'm going to think alot about my response.

ellie said...

Waiting, And Waiting, and Waiting...yeah, we do alot of that- and it sucks. I try to find something to do to keep me busy that doesn't require much thought. I have been working on the same paint by numbers for the past 3 years. I posted a pic on my blog ages ago- The having my DH give the shots- well, for me it makes a huge difference. Not because of the Dr. thing- but because for a brief period of time we are sharing the process and doing it together- he doesn't like giving and I don't like getting them- but together we go through it and it has a sense of intimacy as a result.

soralis said...

The waiting definately sucks!

Take care and I hope your wife feels better soon... but that's what us gals are good at is stressing right?

Anonymous said...

Hi - I wrote the post that started with "i am not a troll". my name is Maggie - I am sorry but I dont have a blog or website but I am not a troll. I have been dealing with infertility for 3 years and have no kids. (my hubby had 2 kids from a prev marriage), My husband is no way near as sensitive as you are about this (unless you are not telling the truth on this blog or are being one-sided). He is supportive (it is me not him with the problem) and he has done his fair share of "going in a cup" so he is a good sport. Now we are off to adoption (another loss of control nightmare) I have had my funks about not getting pregnant and I have had a good cry or two but it does not run my life (to be honest I try not to think about the fact that I will never give birth because it could send me to bed for a week) - and a big part of that is that my husband just would not put up with me being sad/depressed/moody/bitchy all the time and I dont blame him - who the hell wants to deal with that all the time. I know I am not saying this right but I know I can not let infertility run my life because I will miss the life I have and no one wants to be around someone who is misrable all the time - and believe me, I struggle with it sometimes and sometimes I am sad and mopey and he puts up with it for a day or so but then we both know it is time to press forward - as much as sometimes i would like to sit in bed and cry, he makes sure I dont and to be honest I need that from him. He is FAR from perfect and he could be a little more sensitive (most men could be) but he did all the IVF crap with me and he did all the classes and background checks for adoption with me and only complained once in a while. So even though he does not often verbally communicate that he understands my pain - his actions speak loud and clear that he is on my side. What gets me with your situation is that first off, you have a kid (in my eyes you and your wife are lucky lucky lucky) and second, unless you are lying, you seem to be really really sensitive and supporptive of your wife and her pain and this process. My hubby would not even LOOK at the needles, never mind stick me with them - and yes, it hurt my feelings but then I realized that he is willingly "in a cup" for me so I take what he can give me. I dont mean to cause a rif and I know people on the net get mad at people like me who say be thankful for at least having one child but that is how I feel. And not for nothing but I appreciate your willingness to be open and objective with all the advise that is thrown your way on this blog. BTW, I am from NE also - born in MA and up in ME - great area! Thanks for letting me post and good luck to you! - maggie

OHN said...

wow- i think anon/maggie is in serious denial or possibly envious that her hubby isn't quite as supportive as you smarshy. I remember trying to act indifferent around people when they would ask me 8,476 times a day if I was pregnant yet...I should have won an Academy Award cause at home I was ready to stick my head in the oven.

Anonymous said...

Of course I am envious! I would love to have a husband who catered to my every feeling and angst. I am lucky that I have a husband who will put up with all the muck we have to go through and YES, I wish he was more verbal in his feelings but I know by his actions that he supports our decision and that equal's love. What I did say is that not all men are like him and that I think his wife should count the blessings she does have or she could lose them. If I am reading what he wrote correctly - the father and dauther are being affected by the wife's emotional situation. I KNOW how she feels - believe me there is NO denial. I feel it daily BUT it does not run my life -plus SHE HAS THE MIRACLE OF A CHILD. SO HELL YEAH I am envious. I dont ACT like I dont care that I can never give birth and that I am struggling with the overwhelming process of adoption & infertility - I just dont let it run my life. I try to keep it in it's place (and it is hard, I grant you that - there are kids and pregnant people and families EVERYWHERE) - I have to or I will end up like his wife and I dont want to do that - it is not fair to me, to my husband, my family and my step kids. I feel empathy towards Smarshy and his wife - infertility SUCKS - and I am going through it so I damn well can speak from experience. So, off my soapbox I go and back to work. Sorry to kidnap this blog. Wish you well. - Maggie

Patricia said...

and here i always thought that playing doctor is what was gonna get me pregnant to begin with.

oh for that to be true.