Backfire!

First of all, what's up with blogger today? I haven't been able to get on the site. Anyone else encounter that?

Ok, so I've been writing alot recently about how nice this little IF break has been for me and Mrs. Smarshy. She's been in a good mood, she's feels healthy and energetic, yadda yadda yadda, life is good. I missed her when she was in the midst of infertility hell. Well, I'm not the only one who is really happy to have her back. Not surprisingly, SHE'S quite happy to be her old self again. It's not just that she feels better now because of a break from fertility, either. She is finally free of a whole host of medical issues that I could go into another time. She had major throat surgery in March to fix a blockage in her trachea which made her last pregnancy particularly sucky. Then she spent a series of nights in so much pain that I kept having to take her to the emergency room. That ended with her gall bladder coming out. So she is finally feeling good right now. Better than she's felt in a long, long, time. Because of that, she told me something last night that I was NOT expecting to hear.

Mrs. Smarshy is thinking about packing it in. Closing down the baby factory. Boarding up her uterus.

She says she's been looking at the Buggins alot lately and thinking that life is pretty good the way it is. She feels as though if she goes through with more cycles, she'd be giving up another year and half of her life - either by being in IF treatment hell or by being pregnant and then a mother to a newborn - two experiences she could do without. Let me tell you, Mrs. Smarshy did not dig on being pregnant. It's almost become sacrilegious in our society to admit that, but it shouldn't be. She hated the bloating, and the heartburn, and the nausea, all of it. PLUS the complications from her screwed up trachea. And the first 3 months of the babies life aren't exactly a fun time, that's for sure. It's all a foggy, sleepless dream. It's no fun for the baby either - I mean, why do you think they cry the whole time?

So anyway, there it is. She's thinking about not continuing. Now, I have to be honest, I think she will continue. That's a huge decision to make, and I think she knows that you don't make it based on how you feel in an instant. You need to wait and see how you feel over a longer period of time. And she needs to make sure she won't change her mind 6 months later, after we've already pissed off the Dr. and gotten off the schedule and need to re-apply for insurance. Mrs. Smarshy may look 23, but she ain't. She does not have time to pack it in now and resume in a year or so. If she closes up shop, it's closed. No more shop. In fact, it would probably be razed to make a parking lot.

So this all leads me to ask, do I have any say in this? The truth is, I really don't. I WISH I did, but if a woman decides not to try to get pregnant through IVF any more, the husband really is just kind of left there with his dick in his hands. I mean I guess I have the same power, right? I could say I'm not jerking off into the petri dish any more. What could she do? But then again, that would never happen. No guy would pass up the chance to jerk off.

I think she's kind of "trying this decision on for size", to see how it makes her feel. I have to be honest, I would be incredibly sad not to have a sibling for the Buggins. I never imagined having only one child. But then again, we are incredibly lucky to have her. Maybe that's enough?

I don't know. The next cycles starts in a couple weeks, if she goes through with it. I'm assuming she will. We'll see.

Where do you all stand on this? Would you give your husband a vote if you wanted to cash it in?